Scott — this names the exhaustion with uncomfortable precision.
“Internal surveillance” is the phrase that stuck with me.
Not being watched by others — but by ourselves, all the time.
The part about travel hit especially hard. Dragging our own story everywhere, turning place into proof. I’ve felt that temptation — to extract meaning instead of letting indifference do its quiet work.
The Bourdain distinction matters too. Not outside the machine — resisting it. Leaving space. Letting places refuse him. That restraint is rare now, and costly.
There’s relief in being nobody.
In letting a meal be eaten. A walk be taken. A day be unremarkable — and therefore real.
Not everything needs to become evidence.
Not every moment needs to count.
Thanks for writing something that loosens the grip instead of tightening it.
Very true. Since I started blogging I look through every destination not only from the explorer’s point of view but also as a writer. Which is a bit artificial and maybe invisibly tiring …
Well said 🙏🏻 I might be an outlier; the things you lament are what allow me to feel organization and stability in my life, and remember better years on what we've done together and where.
Thank you, and I don’t think that makes you an outlier in a bad way. For a lot of people, documenting is a way of creating that continuity and memory. That’s real and valid.
What I’m wary of isn’t documentation itself, but the moment when it starts replacing the experience rather than helping us remember it later. For some its nabd, for others it takes over.
It's a great question to ask, am I doing this just to get attention, am I doing this as a product for a business, am I doing this for memorable experiences, all mixed up with doing this for my health?
Some interesting nicely written sentences there mate, good read.
Made me think of Mark Fisher and Byung-Chul Han — that whole “self as project,” and this weird shift where we’ve internalised the employer. We no longer need external discipline, we manage, audit, and optimise ourselves from the inside. The exhaustion you describe feels managerial. Even rest and relaxation have KPIs now.
Thanks, yes, that’s exactly it. Once the auditing moves inside, everything starts to feel managerial, even rest. That’s the part that really wears people down.
Thanks for the thoughtful post, Scott. I have a slightly contrarian take -- at least as in regards to myself.
Do I chronicle a great deal of our life on social media? Do I note while having an experience that it might make good content?
Absolutely.
But do I do it to seek validation of my choices? To perform?
I *don't* think so.
I think I do it for a variety of reasons.
Later in life, I've discovered I'm a bit of a performer (or ham!) and I enjoy entertaining people. I also enjoy sharing our life and the experiences -- good and bad -- with our readers.
I *think* what saves me from the worst of what you're accurately describing is that I don't "perform" or document what I do following any set rules. I'm not trying to help people self-improve, find inner peace, etc etc.
I usually share what I find interesting/amusing even if it is sometimes only entertaining myself.
I think we’re actually talking on two different levels, not disagreeing.
What you’re describing feels like how it works from inside your own practice, and I believe you when you say it doesn’t feel like performance or self-proof. Curiosity and amusement leading the way matters, and I think that’s why I and a lot of others really enjoy what you and Brent do.
What I was trying to name is the bigger structure we’re all operating inside now in this modern life, where even without bad intent, it’s easy for an internal camera to stay on. That pressure lands differently for different people. Some carry it more lightly, but for many it can be exhausting.
And I don’t exempt myself from this at all, the piece aims to show self-diagnosis as well.
there is so much good stuff in this, honestly some of my favorite work of yours but now after reading it i am depressed and speechless
Thanks, glad you enjoying it and sorry?
Scott — this names the exhaustion with uncomfortable precision.
“Internal surveillance” is the phrase that stuck with me.
Not being watched by others — but by ourselves, all the time.
The part about travel hit especially hard. Dragging our own story everywhere, turning place into proof. I’ve felt that temptation — to extract meaning instead of letting indifference do its quiet work.
The Bourdain distinction matters too. Not outside the machine — resisting it. Leaving space. Letting places refuse him. That restraint is rare now, and costly.
There’s relief in being nobody.
In letting a meal be eaten. A walk be taken. A day be unremarkable — and therefore real.
Not everything needs to become evidence.
Not every moment needs to count.
Thanks for writing something that loosens the grip instead of tightening it.
Kelly 💛
^^^ wow agree with Fialka. Hard hitting. To my bones. Chills. You’re way of words are thought provoking and powerful
Glad it struck a cord Abby.
Very true. Since I started blogging I look through every destination not only from the explorer’s point of view but also as a writer. Which is a bit artificial and maybe invisibly tiring …
Absolutely, it is tiring.
Well said. Thank you.
Well said 🙏🏻 I might be an outlier; the things you lament are what allow me to feel organization and stability in my life, and remember better years on what we've done together and where.
Thank you, and I don’t think that makes you an outlier in a bad way. For a lot of people, documenting is a way of creating that continuity and memory. That’s real and valid.
What I’m wary of isn’t documentation itself, but the moment when it starts replacing the experience rather than helping us remember it later. For some its nabd, for others it takes over.
It's a great question to ask, am I doing this just to get attention, am I doing this as a product for a business, am I doing this for memorable experiences, all mixed up with doing this for my health?
Some interesting nicely written sentences there mate, good read.
Made me think of Mark Fisher and Byung-Chul Han — that whole “self as project,” and this weird shift where we’ve internalised the employer. We no longer need external discipline, we manage, audit, and optimise ourselves from the inside. The exhaustion you describe feels managerial. Even rest and relaxation have KPIs now.
Thanks, yes, that’s exactly it. Once the auditing moves inside, everything starts to feel managerial, even rest. That’s the part that really wears people down.
Thanks for the thoughtful post, Scott. I have a slightly contrarian take -- at least as in regards to myself.
Do I chronicle a great deal of our life on social media? Do I note while having an experience that it might make good content?
Absolutely.
But do I do it to seek validation of my choices? To perform?
I *don't* think so.
I think I do it for a variety of reasons.
Later in life, I've discovered I'm a bit of a performer (or ham!) and I enjoy entertaining people. I also enjoy sharing our life and the experiences -- good and bad -- with our readers.
I *think* what saves me from the worst of what you're accurately describing is that I don't "perform" or document what I do following any set rules. I'm not trying to help people self-improve, find inner peace, etc etc.
I usually share what I find interesting/amusing even if it is sometimes only entertaining myself.
Rationalization? Maybe!
I think we’re actually talking on two different levels, not disagreeing.
What you’re describing feels like how it works from inside your own practice, and I believe you when you say it doesn’t feel like performance or self-proof. Curiosity and amusement leading the way matters, and I think that’s why I and a lot of others really enjoy what you and Brent do.
What I was trying to name is the bigger structure we’re all operating inside now in this modern life, where even without bad intent, it’s easy for an internal camera to stay on. That pressure lands differently for different people. Some carry it more lightly, but for many it can be exhausting.
And I don’t exempt myself from this at all, the piece aims to show self-diagnosis as well.
Liked this “The true value of a place is that it does not care about you. That indifference gives you permission to finally be nobody.”